Charlatans – Robin Cook

This was crap. Entertaining for the first portion and good at storyline buildup, but the overall plot was unfortunately deeply predictable. It’s in the damn title. I only finished reading to get the details of how because it was written with enough dialogue and matter-of-fact information presentation to make it easy. 

Apart from the detailed information about hospital machinations and how much you’d have to suspend disbelief for someone who screwed up multiple surgeries in a hospital in such a short time to not be suspended, the fact that someone as smart as Noah and socially adept enough to maintain a girlfriend for 2 years refused to use his f*cking brain PISSED. ME. OFF. ‘Oh, my girlfriend moonlights for a variant of big pharma which I find morally questionable. It’s the hospital that must be stalking me?’ Goddamn, what a moron. That’s all I gotta say. Man, it’s like Cook never read a dime mystery novel in his life and shame on the author for making the character so unbelievably stupid.

On the other hand, the social commentary aspect is chilling. So, there is that. But that alone wouldn’t make this worth reading. It is probably the only takeaway I have from this novel, but there are so many better ways of conveying that particular point, I absolutely, unequivocally cannot endorse reading this. Ever.

Legends & Lattes – Travis Baldree

You know, sometimes after DnD adventuring, you want to start something new. The party keeps asking you what you’re going to do with all your gold and you don’t have a good answer. Viv had her answer, but no one understood it. She was going to open a coffee shop. Only, in an adventuring world, no one knows what ‘coffee’ is. And while doing so, maybe a little bit of love interest sneaks in in the form of her manager??

This was a cozy novel and it was a delight to blow through on a gray winter weekend. I highly recommend it for anyone who’s looking for a cotton-candy novel. That is, don’t expect much in the way of plot, story, or stakes. This does read like a game of ‘Diner dash’ – levelling parts of the shop and perhaps more references to other Dnd aspects within – say – the pastry shapes, or ideas would’ve been welcome. But when you feel gross and the world is crap, maybe you don’t want much from your book. And that’s okay too.

Recommended for when you want a break from heavy reading or when the world feels out to get you.

101 Essays That Will Change the Way You Think – Brianna Wiest

DNF*

*Not because it sucked! This is simply not a book to be listened to. A lot of the essays sound like compiled listicles. You know, 12 things to-do, 10 things successful people don’t do etc. The advice is solid and most of the essays are at least somewhat insightful-especially about emotional intelligence. But you can’t listen to nonstop verbal diarrhea of advice – good or bad – without pausing regularly to digest it. (Okay, that mental imagery is disgusting. My bad) But the point stands. This is too much information to be absorbed easily in audio format. It needs to be read and I just did not want to find the time to sit down with this book. Despite the good advice, it wasn’t unique enough to merit buying it or trying to renew it from the library.

Even so, if you’re looking for self-help, it’s not a bad way to start on some sort of journey. This is for someone! Not me.

The Southern Book Club’s Guide to Slaying Vampires – Grady Hendrix

Patricia Campbell made herself decidedly Stepford-y when she gave up her career to raise her kids. She was fine with her husband being gone a lot and the kids being ungrateful brats (though she might have a hard time recognizing that), but the weekly book club is the only thing she really looks forward to now that they’ve broken off to discuss true crime instead of a preapproved list. So when the handsome new guy moves into the neighborhood, she’s as attracted to him as any bored housewife would be. But when kids go missing? That’s another story. The book club begins looking into him expecting Ted Bundy and finding something else altogether.

I expected feminine solidarity, but this was written by a guy. Most of the story is everyone having a hard time coming to terms with what they’re dealing with, and it’s honestly pretty boring to read. Hendrix is clear on the issues he’s trying to talk about, but he cannot write them from a woman’s perspective. It’s just…not even remotely accurate. These women are shitty mothers, do not value themselves, tolerate a shocking amount of disrespect from their husbands and children, and don’t form the tight bonds I’d expect from a book club. They’re paper mache, and I don’t believe for a second any self-respecting southern homemaker would be this passive with kids at risk. Hendrix seems to be trying to pass off a lot of stereotypes with humor which doesn’t work at all.

Finally, the title is wrong. It’s one vampire. Not plural. These women suck, your idea was good, but you don’t have the writing chops to pull off these characters. Get real, dig into some real relationships, and screw you with your satirical over-the-top mysogeny. Oh, and there was some gory horror which would’ve been fine if I believed any of the rest of your story. But it took almost 1/3 of the book to even get our leads on the same page. UGH.

Nope. Don’t bother.

Babel – R.F. Kuang

Oh. My. God. R.F. Kuang you did it again. I am absolutely floored by the incredible level of research and incredible power behind your writing. Now, the foreshadowing and overshadowing pall of DOOOM was heavy-handed, but the sheer depth to your characters, the feeling one has for their situations and the masterful use of language was such a breath of fresh air. An author who not only doesn’t shy away from using ‘big words’ but embraces them, and bases an entire story on their meaning, their translations and the power of those slight mistranslations and what is lost is something anyone with more than one language can appreciate. Even someone who has only tried to learn another language has absorbed a little of how much they might not understand not having an inherent sense of objects having gender. Or certain composite characters associated with words to form subcontext. 

Did I love the characters? No. The white girl was a bit too much of a scapegoat and a ladder-climber, but Kuang was absolutely right to paint her as ignorant, and ignorant about her ignorance. I think she was aiming for inevitability with this ending, but all I got as a final emotion about it was resignation.

The writing is above par. The story…fizzled. I had to discuss this with others to figure out exactly why. It turns out that it’s quite simple. There’s not enough dialogue. Kuang is amazing at world building. She does her research and pulls you in, but she doesn’t create likable protagonists. She creates real ones. So when you read about a protagonist who is so real, who is in a real world and who doesn’t interact with others enough, the emotional stakes aren’t high enough to pull you along for the tale. It’s easy to put down and do something else. Especially with how dense her writing can be.

It’s beautiful. It’s admirable. It’s a work of art. And it’s a bit dry. Her writing is par excellence and no one can match her in this capacity. It dances across the intellect and tantalizes you to stretch yourself, be better and learn more. But in terms of pure story, its easy to shake your head at the parallels of the fictional world, say ‘that sucks. I have as few answers in real life’ and set the book down. It feels just as callous to say it about her fictional worlds and characters as to say it about a real person. Which really is incredible.

Read her work, but expect it to be intellectual and bleak.

The Good Man Jesus and the Scoundrel Christ – Philip Pullman

Oh, this was a unique imagining, but seeing Philip Pullman take this on, I had to read it pretty much immediately after ‘The Screwtape Letters’. Believe me, the contrast had me giggling like a kid. C.S. Lewis and Pullman putting their ideologies to bat in story format can only be a win for every reader ever and I encourage everyone to read them both. Back to back if you can.

The Christian church has always struggled with the dichotomy of the Judaic reformation by a man who was clearly a rebel, but which overtook Judaism with its institutions and rule-driven practices. To work within this premise, Mary had twins – Jesus and his brother Christ. Jesus is a good man but a rebel, a reformist against existing Judaism, and a pain in the butt for the existing authorities. Christ is more conformist and follows his brother around, recording his teachings for posterity’s sake and providing subtle twists of his own. In this endeavor, he is guided by an angel who the reader suspects may have horns.

There isn’t a huge amount of philosophical discussion in here. It’s just laying out the apparent contradiction many people see between the institution and the teachings. It could have gone into more depth in the relationship between the brothers, but in their coldness, Pullman does give a pretty clear idea of what that means.

Like I said, read this back-to-back with The Screwtape Letters. You’ll have a lovely day.

The String Diaries – Stephen Lloyd Jones

We open with Hannah driving like a madwoman through the dark. Her daughter is in the backseat and her husband is bleeding out next to her. All in all, it’s a pretty good opening!

We learn through the diaries stored in the trunk that this woman has been cursed to be chased down by a man who can wear any face. He will kill everyone near her. We learn through the diaries what he is and why he is doing this, so we also must learn what Hannah is willing to do in order to survive. *Spoiler* Surprisingly little.

It’s a really good premise and it has some exceptionally memorable scenes. It has all the elements of a truly fantastic thriller; secret societies, the supernatural, multiple generations, creeping horror…so it is truly disappointing to me that it falls exceptionally flat.

Look, it’s told from 3 perspectives so we understand what we’re dealing with; Present, Hannah’s parents, and Jakab’s origins. That makes sense, and it takes a little while for the reader to unravel who’s who and where the links are. This means the gears shift often as we get different perspectives. But you started the book in the highest fucking gear possible. So now we downshift multiple times as we jump back and forth which is frustrating as hell for a reader. Only for me to realize, wait…it’s some guy that’s stalking you and your family. For multiple generations. Once you verify that someone is willing to kill your loved ones, wouldn’t you just, I dunno…be ready, willing, and able to finally commit to homicide and be done with it? Even if he’s tough to kill, seems beheading works pretty well on vampires…Like, any modern kid could tell you that. Moreover, if you’ve been prepped for this your entire life, why are you agonizing about protecting your kid and your husband? She gets NOTHING done in the current timeline and it’s SO boring to read.

It’s a good idea and it has some great scenes and imagery. The creeping horror thing at the beginning is fantastic, but the thriller aspect just doesn’t pan out and I eventually wanted to strangle Hannah myself. The academic introduction of mythology was interesting, but I’d rather just read about that in a different context than this absolutely useless “heroine.”

I’d give it a pass.

The Very Secret Society of Irregular Witches – Sangu Mandanna

I was looking for something I’d like – preferably fluff reading after several failed attempts at more intensive material. My friend from book club was reading this and it specifically said ‘cozy literature’ in the tag. Perfect.

Mika Moon is one of about 26 witches in the whole of Britain, but magic tends to magnetize to them when they get together. If they’re together too long, they’ll be noticed by the public. This is especially dangerous for kids who can’t control themselves, so they’re raised in a very isolated manner. It’s safer. This is a book about that ideology being blown apart and Mika dealing with her isolation – not only of being a witch, but Mandanna touches lightly on being a minority in a few places throughout the story.

This was an exceptionally wholesome read. It became quite repetitive at times because, well, that’s the nature of dealing with other people’s trauma. You can see the path forward, even if they find it difficult. I found the love interest deeply annoying, but that’s just me. Crabby gruff characters just make me want to punch them these days; I don’t find them hot. It was a bit tough at times to differentiate the kids because we got a sense of their interests, but not their personalities as much. There was nothing particularly unpredictable about the story or any of the twists, (okay, maybe one).

HOWEVER, overall it was sweet, idyllic, absurdly saccharine, a little spicy at times, and one I’d recommend for most book clubs. Just what you’d expect from the cover and the description. Mostly whipped cream on top of a very small cake and just what I was looking for.

The Dictionary of Lost Words – Pip Williams

Oh oh oh, this was absolutely worth the read! It’s long. But it’s the life story of Esme, a motherless child who was raised by her father in a garden shed known as the ‘scriptorium’. Her father is a lexicographer helping to compile the very first Oxford English dictionary. While she’s under the table, a word flutters down to her. ‘Bondmaid’. She reads it to her friend Lizzie who is a kitchen servant and who fits the definition. Esme slowly begins her own collection of words which are overlooked by the lexicographers and slowly comes to understand that some words are given more weight than others. With suffrage and a war beginning, Esme’s understanding of the world shifts as she grows up. We the reader follow alongside her for it.

It’s hard to keep the same pace and attachment after the first 1/3rd because the importance of the topics are less personal to Esme and more about the world writ large. It’s much easier to love a child loving words than to pass that level of attachment to suffrage or to war. But the story was beautiful and the epilogue gave it even greater context.

If you love words, history, feminist literature, or any combination of the 3, definitely read this.

Comfort Me with Apples – Catherynne M. Valente

The strictest HOA you’ve ever heard of and the most happy Stepford wife you’ve ever known is slowly figuring out why her perfect life has creepy undertones. I expected a trite little read given the horror-driven summary. It is, and it’s mislabeled as a ‘thriller’, but I ended up liking this idea. The slow burn and twist fit with the writing style; the embedded bias played off the reader’s expectation when picking up a book like this. And it was only a 2 hour audiobook, so it slotted in nicely with the average amount of time anyone has for actually getting tasks done. 

Give this a shot and hold low expectations. The prose is tight. It uses an unnecessary amount of adjectives and doesn’t build relationships well, but that goes towards underlining Sophia’s feelings of isolation as things unravel. That much is predictable-especially in a snobby community. And this one had a twist I wasn’t quite expecting which hit well. Easy, quick read, but don’t bust your butt trying to find it.

Nettle and Bone – T. Kingfisher

Marra is the 3rd daughter of a small harbor kingdom. Her mother the queen is exceptionally good at keeping their rivalling neighbors from crushing them. In an effort to stave off war, the oldest daughter is married to the northern neighbor. She dies. Marra is depicted as being unable to cope with politics and is sent to a convent. Her second sister is married to the same man as the first. Marra gets a sense of her brother-in-law at her niece’s christening and finds out he’s an abusive fuckhead. Rather than returning to the convent, she decides to do something about it.

I enjoyed this a lot. It was easy to read with good humor and there aren’t enough books about a practically-minded 30-something year old who just wants some jerk dead. Kingfisher was good enough to give us time with the boring parts of adventuring – the ins and outs and squabbling. The starvation and privation. The planning and going from ‘I want’ to ‘How in the world…?’

I’ll grant you that it was slow at times. There were definitely parts I could’ve done with less description. And not everyone will identify with Mara, nor will everyone like the ending very much. It’s a slow boil that sort of fizzles in some ways.

As a dark quest book, this was entertaining and fun. I’d recommend it to anyone who’s looking for something a little more down to earth than fantasy usually is. Even one featuring jars of moonbeams. Oh, and Bone Dog is everyone’s favorite good boy!

Writing Prompt – Oh What a Tangled Web We Weave

Daily writing prompt

If you could be someone else for a day, who would you be, and why?

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‘Ugh. Well, I suppose I’ve always wanted to know what it was like to pee standing up. But I could’ve done without the gut.’

“Comrade. Your sister requested me to inform you the delegates are waiting.”

“They will wait a moment longer.”

I straighten up to look in the mirror, ignoring the opulence behind me in favor of the aging, pudgy face. ‘If it’s only for a day, I could manage a lot, but I’ll need to be careful.’ I plaster on a benevolent smile befitting a father figure and glide into the meeting.

“Comrades. I am pleased you could make it today. I believe it is in everyone’s best interest that we begin talks of opening our southernmost border and reacquainting ourselves with our sister nation…”

General Update

For all my lovely subscribers, apologies for the long absence. Thank you so much for sticking around! I truly, deeply appreciate you!

Nothing major happened, I just stopped getting around to actually writing reviews. You can blame my basement remodel. It turns out drywalling is incredibly time-consuming. Now I’m ridiculously backlogged and deciding what to do about it. I’ve determined that I’ll be publishing a new review every day until I’m caught up.*

Please let me know if you have any book recommendations in the meantime! I’d love to take a look.

*Welp. That didn’t happen. Turns out just…existing these days does not make for great time management. That and I’ve been spending all my time listening to creepypasta podcasts and staying away from the computer in my off-time. You office bees get it – the instant you get home, the last thing you wanna do is sit down in front of a computer again, even if its for stuff you like.

Oh, so now I’m a language Dictator?

Daily writing prompt

If you could permanently ban a word from general usage, which one would it be? Why?

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I wouldn’t. Language and meaning evolves. English is constantly adding vocab and simplifying itself. Look at Middle English if you want proof.

BUUUUUT, I’d get rid of ‘the’ as an article across languages. Just for a little while to see how we function understanding each other without it. It’s hard to teach – especially in contrast to ‘a’ and ‘an’, it serves mostly to increase specificity of the following noun which is arguably pointless, and I am SO. DONE. with typing ‘teh’ just to subsequently look like an illiterate moron. Just because I am doesn’t mean my spelling needs to look like it!

Gingerbread – Helen Oyeyemi

DNF. My long-time readers know it takes a lot for me to not finish a book, but mother of god, I could not understand the point of this one.

Harriet Lee is a mom of a school-aged girl named Perdita. When Perdita seemingly commits suicide in search of Harriet’s long-lost childhood friend, Harriet has to talk about her childhood. In a place that doesn’t exist.

I love magical realism. Or at least, I have loved it in some stories. Oyeyemi had some incredible ideas with this, but the way everything had a sliding timeline and failed to coalesce into any overarching story which would compel the reader to care about the characters or plot eventually made me put it down. I love a fairy tale. I love a reimagined fairy tale. Gingerbread being a currency from a fairy tale to our world is a magnificent idea. But if you’re playing with slippery timelines, where we’re uncertain of whether the planes of the world will coalesce, then you have to give the readers characters or emotions to hold onto. We didn’t get enough of either to make it worth the effort.

Eh, not for me. Maybe for someone with more patience. Side note though, I LOVED the woman they got as the voice actress and wouldn’t have made it so far through if not for her.

Writing Prompt – Tick, Tock Goes the Clock

Daily writing prompt

What advice would you give to your teenage self?

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Future self: Hey.

Teen: I KNEW ghosts were real.

Future: I mean, possibly. But this is a projection. Oh, invest in land near the high school, Google’s parent company called Alphabet, and this thing called Facebook. They’re evil, but they make some crazy stuff in a couple years. Use the college fund – you really won’t need it.

Teen: But…mom’s gonna be so disappointed.

Future: She’ll get over it very quickly when she sees you successful and happy. Higher learning won’t guarantee that. You wanna know the secret that will get you there?

Teen: Yeah?

Future: Listen to your gut, but learn when it’s your gut or something further south. Your emotions misguide you. A lot. Listen to your logic. No one will tell you this, but you SUCK at empathy. Learn to think about how others might feel before you talk. Listen to others. There are TONS of stories there. Stuff you can’t find in books. Start with mom.

But you’re struggling with focus, hormones, and too much energy, I know. It’s awful. You need exercise like you need to breathe. Remember grandma going a little cuckoo? Sign up for a dance class. It’ll help with the rhythm thing too and you’ll be around more people to help you with the social stuff. And for the love of god before you ruin all your relationships with hormones and acting like an overdramatic asshole, GO. BUY. A. VIBRATOR.

Braving the Wilderness – Brene Brown

Self-help books are usually not my jam, but I was looking for something nonfiction and short. This was. To my pleasant surprise, in 4 hours, Dr. Brown eloquently conveyed the essence of her work and the foundation she has created to research ‘Belonging’. That’s an oversimplification – it’s a book about authenticity. But it was well-put and [apparently] well-researched, although she doesn’t go into her research much; the research is mostly presented through anecdotes. It’s partially a memoir, part research-adjacent, and mostly commenting on psychology.

She has done some deep soul searching and listening to come to the advice she gives here. Her quotes from various interviews were interesting including her talk early on with Oprah and Maya Angelou.

My main critique of it is that it wanders in theme and gives some relatively tone-deaf advice. We can all work on having greater empathy and understanding of where others are coming from. But it’s also incredibly important to know where to draw the line when talking with those who are not interested in empathy or growth. She doesn’t mention this at all, which is surprising since the ‘us vs them’ false dichotomy is a huge portion of the book. It is a vital conversation for us to have since “civility is the basis of civics” as she put it. But to have a civil conversation, you have to be safe. I don’t know that any amount of self-possession or empathy will protect a minority from the willfully ignorant. This goes against the theme she’s discussing, but she doesn’t really touch it at all.

I suppose it’s nice to read about someone who has found self-confidence in her work. I enjoyed listening to her anecdotes and slightly repetitive themes – taking time to chew on the lessons in between. But once I took a hard look at what she had to say, it was an important conversation to be had, well-written (though lacking data I did prefer the anecdotes tbh), and coming from a place of surprising blind spots despite her self-reflection. I’d recommend it on principle, but with a strong grain of salt for any minority members.

How Not to Drown in a Glass of Water – Angie Cruz

Certainly it has a great opening line! This is a really unique perspective and one it takes an excellent writer to pull off! Cara Romero was born in the Dominican Republic 50-some years ago and moved to New York. After her job of 26 years shut its doors, she needs to find a job during a recession. This book is her oversharing about herself with her case worker as she tries to explain what types of jobs she is qualified for and what positions she could do.

It has a very real aspect to it. You feel it as the reader as you’re introduced to this character who immediately starts oversharing. You even feel the impatience of a modern reader who wants to redirect this woman to her more immediate problems such as money or empathy without seeking to understand. That’s the adventure this book takes you on. It’s quite heady. In between her shared story, we are introduced to the forms Cara must fill out in her slightly broken English, the incredibly stupid questions we’ve all had to fill out for government forms, we’re even treated to workplace educational tapes.

Rossmery Almonte did an incredible job with the audio in this audiobook. Kimberly Wetherell as well, but she was the general narrator rather than the character actress. It was hard to listen to this story sometimes because of how much you know Cara is missing. All the same, that’s what makes a good story arc and a top-notch character build.

I’d recommend this for anyone trying to build empathy or who is working on their listening skills.

Tiny Blunders/Big Disasters: Thirty-Nine Tiny Mistakes That Changed the World Forever – Jared Knott

DNF. Fifty percent through and I was done. It had 4 strikes against it.

1. I was excited about the rolling effect of one tiny incident creating historical ripple effects. I LOVE well-told histories! Unfortunately the author had a tendency to glaze over the trigger event. He’d introduce the idea, but when reciting through the sequence of events, he would be so mired down in dates and contributing factors that the actual ignition point meant to be emphasized was buried so I had no idea what was supposed to be the big deal until he re-summarized.

2. I listen to my audiobooks on my commute. This actor had a soft monotone that nearly put me to sleep behind the wheel several times. I dunno if it was the voice actor or the writing or a combo, but it was nearly literally lethal.

3. The writing was unfortunate. This is an incredibly interesting subject. But this author – for all his interest in history – took all the skills from high school essays and turned it into a book. “Here is what I’m going to tell you. Here is why it is important. This is what I’m telling you. This is what I told you. Let me underline how close it was to going differently. Next chapter” Repeat for every. single. chapter. 

4. Very western-centric. This is a personal preference, but this author’s bias was unbalanced for a general history. 

Frankly, I’m pissed. Anyone with a modicum of talent could’ve made this more compelling. Instead, I got monotone pandering that reminded me of endless middle school history classes and listening to the kid standing up front giving a lackluster presentation on ‘thestufftheyresearchedcausetheyhadto’. You might have a better experience – this got above 4 stars on Goodreads, but I didn’t enjoy it myself and am going to promptly forget most of it.

Writing Prompt – Subject #25630

The traffic outside mutes against the cotton-ball sounds in my ears. My fingers tremble reaching to depress the ‘play’ button on the recorder.

Researcher: “Subject #25630. Confirmed. Patient was in care before accusation of divergent behavior.”

Interviewer: “What behavior was that?”

Researcher: “Failure to abide by laboratory conditions. They had smuggled in contraband material.”

Interviewer: “What was the material?”

Researcher: “In this particular instance, it appears the instructor was…mistaken. She took great care to be firm about Subject #25630 not having contraband as in past instances. Subject appeared to take great pleasure in showing the approved material to the instructor.”

Interviewer: “What was the approved material?”

Researcher: “An AP English textbook. The subject for that session was an analysis of ‘A Modest Proposal’. However, we had seen Subject #25630 reading contraband such as Asimov, Anne Rice, and Ayn Rand on previous occasions during session.”

Interviewer: “How did they perform regarding other subjects?”

I shudder and click the tape off. The ice clinks against the crystal of the glass as the window meets my gaze. The night skyline is marred with the red-coal glow of millions of burning books. This office will serve as a sanctuary for myself and my library. But for how long?

Nothing to Envy: Ordinary Lives in North Korea – Barbara Demick

Just a heads up: don’t read this and a heavy novel on animal testing at the same time. You’ll find yourself wanting to sob uncontrollably over your breakfast for no apparent reason.

So, Barbara talked to several North Korean defectors over an extended time to bring us into what life is like in the most isolated country in the world. Underneath layer upon layer of drilled love for their leadership, the parades, and the propaganda, there are families living close together in “harmonica houses” loving, caring, and trying to survive.

We follow the love story of Jun-sang who was infatuated with the pretty Mi-san from across the movie theater, but who weren’t of similar enough background to be together by party rights. We learn of Dr. Kim Ji-eun who was a true party believer. Song Hee-Suk was the quintessential HOA mother who was forced to become entrepreneurial when her work at the factory dried up.

I knew absolutely nothing about North Korea before this (did you know their women’s traditional garb is head-to-toe coverage similar to burkas? I had no idea!). Nor could I have imagined the extent of such an Orwellian hellscape alive and well.

Now, the audiobook isn’t the best format since the reuse of phrases too close together are more noticeable in this format and the writing is a bit dry, but the material is incredible. I am floored by all I learned and you should absolutely read this.

Blood Feast – Malika Moustadraf, Translated by Alice Guthrie

It’s a gem and I am not a jeweler. I am a tinkerer. What do I do with a collection of short stories on the patriarchal rule in North Africa? What will I remember about disjointed short stories which hop from a mother trying to find a workaround for her soon-to-be-married teenage daughter who is not a virgin, to the school experiences of a gay prostitute, to the failing healthcare system of a person who needs dialysis? I’m genuinely not sure. I didn’t enjoy these stories. They were upsetting, frustrating, confusing in the narration style and bleak. But that was the point. And for that point, I’m glad I listened to them – especially in the way the audiobook doesn’t easily delineate between stories and characters. They meld into each other and have the same voice actors so you’re not entirely sure whose story you’re hearing.

The author was ahead of her time writing about the marginalized people of Morocco and the double-standards of religion and patriarchy. She died at 37 years old from a disease that was not easily cured, but treatable and likely would have been if she wasn’t where and when she was. This would be hard to recommend, but I’m glad I read it.

The Book of Hidden Things – Dmitri Francesco

Four friends meet in their childhood pizzeria in southern Italy per their childhood pact. Wait, make that 3. Art is missing. Just like when they were kids. Worried, the friends go to look for him. His house is that of a madman; books everywhere, the shed a disaster and the basement…well…What’s worse is that Art was selling marijuana which would have put him in trouble with the local mafia. As they dig deeper, there’s something slightly off about his disappearance which makes everyone think this is connected to his disappearance from last time.

I wanted to like this. I was intrigued by the plot and for that it pulled me along because I wanted to hear a resolution. Like many things, life is full of disappointment.

If I had to say why this was disappointing, I’d say it was a solid even split between how boring the characters were and how misogynist this entire book was. It doesn’t pass the Bechdel test, it spends a huge amount of time talking about women’s bodies in a very objectifyingly matter-of-fact way, and the characters spend pretty much the entire time whining about how life didn’t turn out the way they wanted. Now, I know that’s how we all feel pretty often and it’s exactly what we talk about with our friends, but when you’re supposed to be telling the story of a potential murder-mystery with fantasy elements and that somehow has the same gravitas as the photography guy being a total career flop, I feel like you might’ve missed the point of your own novel.

Can’t recommend it to anyone.

1922 – Stephen King

Hmm. I’m a bit split in my opinion of this one.

Wilfred James is having a disagreement with his wife Arlette about what to do with her 100 acres of farmland. The most logical thing to do when disagreeing with your spouse when you’re a controlling bag of machismo dicks is to kill them. Though, Arlette was very crass in her drunken description of sex, so it was a match made in – well, somewhere. But be sure to enlist the teenage son to help you murder his mother (No spoilers, that’s within the first paragraph or two). Somehow, from that starting point everything still manages to go downhill as Wilfred is haunted by his choice and all the subsequent events.

It’s gross. It’s gritty. It’s a book incarnation of the Saw movies. Honestly, it’s a great premise, but it has less of the horror genre about it than the ‘resigned to machismo dumbassery’ about it. I like psychological horror – something with broader commentary or uses more techniques like an unreliable narrator to pull the reader in. This has descriptive elements of that in the rats, but it hinges so much more on the vividness of the reader’s imagination and presumed fear of corpses and rats. I haven’t had many negative encounters with rats and have never feared a corpse – though, the latter also never came with the guilt of murder.

Look, it’s your run-of-the-mill airport gross-out horror. But the thing is, it misses the ‘thriller’ elements because the pressing questions are already foreshadowed and given away within the first couple of chapters. You’re just reading to find out the ‘how’. but King’s writing style isn’t terribly suspenseful – it’s descriptive and matter-of-fact. Good for light reading, but terrible for really pulling you in. And there’s no real twist, no shock.

It’s solid. If you like horror, this is good. If you like psychological horror, don’t get this one. And if you read a lot, probably skip this novella. It’s predictable.

La Belle Sauvage & The Secret Commonwealth (The Book of Dust #1 & #2) – Philip Pullman

La Belle Sauvage is an adventure prefacing the adventures which happen in His Dark Materials series. If you haven’t read those series, don’t bother with this series at all. It’s not that Pullman does a bad job with his character creation, but you’d have a distinct feeling of missing out on a lot of material the entire time. And you would be.

The first book was good. We’re introduced to an entirely new cast of characters to learn how a baby Lyra ended up being raised in a college and why. The second book ‘The Secret Commonwealth’ takes place when Lyra is 20 and after the events of His Dark Materials. There are probably spoilers in that alone. In this, Lyra is not getting along with her daemon and they need to find a way to reconcile. But the fights of childhood are quite different than those of adulthood – especially when questions of academic inquiry, growth, and political safety are at stake. Growing up normally is hard and Lyra has been through a lot more than average.

The first book read easily, but felt long and repetitive. I liked our protagonists Malcolm and Alice. The second was just long and was no easy read because the issues and events felt deeply disconnected. I like where Pullman is coming from, but I don’t think either book these argue his points well. I wanted to love these like I loved the memory of His Dark Materials and the relationships in those. What I got was a jolting, preachy mess where the relationships felt genuine, but the adventures felt contrived. There are flashes of some truly excellent writing and character creation, but absolutely minimal cohesion which was really and truly disappointing.

Can’t recommend the second book. I’ll see what the 3rd brings.

The Screwtape Letters – C.S. Lewis

Screwtape is a highly placed demon writing letters to his nephew Wormwood who is a ‘junior tempter’. Wormwood needs a great deal of help with his first assignment in bringing his first human soul to “Their Father Below”.

This is supposed to be an underlining of the morals and high regard in which C.S. Lewis held Christianity; there’s a lot of philosophy and ideas packed in here. But in this story, the logical fallacies, misunderstandings of basic human nature, self-contradictory arguments both for the demons and for Christianity itself in conjunction with Screwtape’s humor had me absolutely rolling. The commentary on how vice and carelessness can creep in was a good general reflective check. Be mindful people, it’s easy to be an asshole.

This was a fun idea! Unfortunately, the characters were a bit flat, but they were memorable as the podium for Lewis to give a child’s homily from. Give it a read. Most people seem to like it on Goodreads because it’s funny and it does provide oversimplified rules for Christians. These are good to know for agnostics and atheists too and this novella is an easier read than most.

The Plague Dogs – Richard Adams

Rowf and Snitter are dogs used for experimental research. If that’s not something you’re comfortable reading about, don’t read this. Rowf and Snitter’s caretaker is careless and leaves the door to their wing unlocked. Together, they figure out how to escape and, with the help of a wild fox, figure out how to survive.

Now, if the author’s name is at all familiar, that’s because Richard Adams also wrote Watership Down. This is heavier than WD because it’s dealing with the somewhat familiar world of the dog rather than the completely wild rabbit. The plot is hard going. It’s a long, repetitive, depressing slog and a hell of a harangue on animal experimentation which everyone should be made aware of somehow. This won’t be the method for everyone, but I will absolutely give Adams credit; His masterful use of the English language is a deep, clear breath in a world of literature which allows sips of oxygen through a double-mask. He uses every sense to paint the picture of the wild country, the desperation, the confusion, the helpless frustration we’ve all felt.

On a side note, at one point mid-read, I hit a point of sleep deprivation where Snitter’s insanity started to make perfect sense – which was absolutely bone-chilling let me tell you. To all parents out there – don’t worry. You are a little insane and we thank you for your service.

I…can’t say I liked this. But it was very well-written if long and makes good points, if too frequently and often lacking subtlety. Some scenes were gut-wrenching just from their descriptions and I had to pause reading for a day or two. It’s…good this exists, but I dunno who I’d recommend it to.

Writing Prompt #16 – OMG Another Project

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What could you do more of?

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Could I do more of? Absolutely nothing. Between learning to drywall and finishing my basement ceiling, being completely backed up on all my book reviews, the stitching club, espionage, my garden, the book club, DnD, all the body disposal after the ritual sacrifices and working a full time job, who has the time to do more?!

Of course, that doesn’t stop certain insane people with ADHD from getting on Pinterest and thinking ‘Hmm…sure, I could learn soldering to make motorized articulating wings. Why not?’

What I’m working on is listening as hard as I think.

Tress of the Emerald Sea – Brandon Sanderson

Tress is a boring window-washer stuck on an island in the middle of an ocean. The planet has some unique qualities, but she – apparently – does not. She is practical, kind, deeply down-to-earth, and the feelings she might have for the *ahem* Duke’s groundskeeper who has an uncanny resemblance to the Duke’s son are in no way realistic. So when his ship is lost, it would be unthinkable for her to sneak off the island. So begins our tale.

This was written with The Princess Bride in mind, and it has all the same delights as that story without the stupid, stupid, frustrating plot hole of Princess Buttercup being utterly useless. Tress is fun and Charlie does a pretty darn good job of holding up his end of the bargain too! I loved listening to this.

Sanderson did a very good job painting the visuals of a world that manages to be simultaneously boring and remarkably dangerous. Approachable, but grand too. His talent is in bringing God-like targets down to scale and he does it here as well. Certainly there were some occasions when the unreliable narrator’s self-insertion was annoying or overdone. There were some parts where the pacing dragged and I wanted him to pick it up a little bit and quit with the repetition. But overall, I’d recommend this to anyone who likes fiction or high fantasy.

Friends, Lovers, and The Big Terrible Thing

The Big Terrible Thing is his Addiction. Our friend Chandler from the acclaimed 90’s sitcom ‘Friends’ tells us his personal roller coaster starting from conception all the way to how a famous, multimillionaire is single and newly sober at the age of 52.

It’s humbling. I have no idea what addiction – especially addiction like this – is like. Nor do I know what it’s like to be this brave and pursue your gut and your emotions to this level of luck and success. He does, he did, and he made it. But that brilliant, sharp mind also opened the doors to having a 52 per day Oxy habit. He says that he should have died on multiple occasions. From overdoses. From the burst colon. From mixing drugs and alcohol. From at least one car crash. Slamming the back of your head against a wall in a stairwell would do it. Withdrawal could’ve done it. If nothing else, at least one jilted one-night stand with a grudge. We learn about all of this.

Now, I had a hard time listening to the first 3/4 of this book. Why? Because it’s hard to feel bad for a guy who opens pretty early on with “I spent 74 million dollars on therapy alone.” Good fucking Lord, how valuable are you?! Then he spends most of the rest of the book telling us about his god-awful decisions and what a moron he is. And you’re nodding along with him saying ‘Yep. You’re a moron and I wouldn’t let anyone I know near you’. The end wraps up with a bow. He resolves a lot of issues in his 50’s, points out how fantastic his support network is, how much he has learned, and that he’s is still single and no longer a total douchebag!

Here’s the thing. The writing is solid with the exception of repeating some things later in the book that were said almost verbatim earlier on. Not sure if that was on purpose. But the writing should be solid for someone who has worked in film and tv his entire career. He knows how to create a character arc and define traits. But this isn’t a script – it’s a memoir. This guy has gone through a lot of shit in real life. And while you’re reading about what an absolute immense self-centered douchebag he is/was, it becomes a little meta as you realize how much work and pain would have to go into writing down all the stuff he actually did, much less going to therapy for it. As much as you the reader are disgusted by this guy, you understand the depth of his self-loathing as he spiralled into worse and worse choices. Any one of us might have made different choices, but that’s where the his addiction, fear, and passion do not wholly allow us to understand. Most of us would’ve given up well before he did. I know I probably would’ve facing down the level of self-loathing he did.

He’s deeply flawed in a very human way. I still don’t think I’d want to hang out with the guy, but I’m glad he shared his story. Is it worth the read? I think so. In describing it to friends, I realized it’s heavy, but has funny moments in a very dark way if you’re not being a judgmental jerkwad the entire time you’re reading it like I was.

Deceptions – Anna Porter

When I saw the famous Judith and Holofernes painting on the cover, I wanted to read the story and completely missed the ‘A Helena Marsh’ novel. Had I seen that I wouldn’t have read it and somewhat regret doing so. Why?

Three reasons.

1. It’s a second book with an established character and arc. It falls heavily into the trap of making the reader feel like they’re stepping into someone’s ongoing life – which is fantastic for realism, but not always great for storytelling if not done elegantly. It took 3/4 of this book for the story to really get going, and even then it barely felt like it was budging the needle on the plot.
2. The art history and humanism of the painting itself is overshadowed by the mystery of ‘why is this simple appraisal resulting in so many deaths’? But the whodunnit of the mystery moves at a snail’s pace, the stakes don’t feel like they matter at all, and you kinda feel like you’re wasting your time trying to get to know anyone. This is probably because of
3. The atmosphere. Credit where credit is due, Porter is fantastic at painting the atmosphere of eastern Europe between Strasbourg, Budapest, and Paris. But this is the underbelly, the nasty backstabbing, criminal side of things. Between the long, fraught history of these places, the slow-boiling sinister undertones, an overarching sense of futility, and the clever web of connections between history and characters we’re only vaguely introduced to, I was distinctly uncomfortable reading this the whole time.

I finished because I wanted to know the ending, but I can’t recommend it because I can guarantee that I won’t remember much about it in the long run.

Thank You, Jeeves – P.G. Wodehouse

A little slapstick classic British comedy featuring our slightly stupid Bertram Wooster and his ever helpful butler Jeeves. When Bertie and Jeeves disagree about Bertie’s new hobby of playing the banjo and Jeeves quits, Bertie finds himself in a comedy of errors among his friends as he moves into a cottage where his noisy hobby will be more welcome with the neighbors.

I’ve read one other of the Jeeves novels and found it kinda missed on paper. You could tell the writing was good, but the dialogue doesn’t hit without actually hearing it. Therefore, when I received not only an audiobook from the library but actually a play adaptation, I was absolutely thrilled. This version was exactly like listening to an old-fashioned radio drama. I can see why they were so popular!

It’s silly and short, but was a nice palate cleanser after some deeply heavy material. Wouldn’t recommend it if you don’t like very light Brit lit.

Writing Prompt #15 – Oversaturation

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What is a word you feel that too many people use?

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The blood sacrifices have started to use ‘Like’ an awful lot. Like, they’ll, like start asking, like why I’ve interrupted their day, and like, what I’m doing with that giant knife and like, “seriously, like what the fuck dude?”

Now, I don’t mind ‘Like’ when commenting or using the thumb up icon. It’s an easy way to communicate a lot! But when valley-speak began to permeate more broadly, and I began to get an earful of ‘Like’ as a verbal filler from students, cashiers, remedy-seekers, baristas, and sacrifices alike, it started to really piss me off.

It became worse when everyone started this thing of texting “Liked “__previous comment___””. Couldn’t you just say you agree? It seems…I dunno, odd. I don’t like verbal fillers in general, and I understand that we’re usually not mindful of our speech patterns, verbiage or words in general, but despite the myriad of incredible terms available to us and ever evolving language, ‘Like’ in particular knots my feathers.

The Shadow of the Gods – John Gwynne

Honestly in the top 5 of the fantasy novels I’ve read this year. We start with an angry, scared man trying to lose some manacles. We transfer over to a warrior woman on her ship. And we take the view of a woman with her husband and son and a few creatures who seem a bit…distasteful. As we move through, we build out the world as readers better understand the context for what is going on in this bloody, vengeful old world of dead gods, Vikings, half-breeds, and violence.

If you like high fantasy, read this. I’m eagerly waiting on the library copy of the next book in the series.

Writing Prompt #14 – Ch- Ch- Ch- Chaaanges

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What change, big or small, would you like your blog to make in the world?

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Change? I didn’t start a blog to make change. I started a blog because the disgraced physicist I was buddies with in high school told me,

“BefuddledEmbroideress. If you make it to your middle age crisis, start a book blog.” And I was like, “Doc Maroon, that seems insanely stereotypical for a middle-aged suburbanite to start a book blog. Shouldn’t it be skydiving or spelunking or something cool?” And he replied, “No. It has to be a book blog reviewing things you’ve read. According to my calculations, in the 2020’s there’s a chance this blog may be able to reverse the natural order of change and thereby cause things to ossify. Maybe even reverse change itself.”

…And then I stopped hanging out with him. I’m pretty sure his calculations were off by a few millenia anyway but as the 2020s approached, I was curious about his advice. And since I needed a way to keep track of all the stuff I was reading and an excuse to write about it, I started this blog. If it keeps people from wasting their time reading boring garbage, great! If they find something they like or wouldn’t have known about otherwise, even better! Change? Nah. This was a selfish endeavor, but I appreciate my readership deeply.

The Kingdoms of Savannah – George Dawes Greene

At Bo Peep’s, a homeless lady and her boyfriend show up for a late-night drink. They’re regulars, but the bartender knows them. A rude out-of-towner is too involved with the lady, who vanishes. Being homeless, this goes unremarked. Her boyfriend’s death would have too if not for the way his body was found. Now it’s down to the bartender and her documentary to discover what’s rotten in Georgia.

Fact is, I haven’t been to Savannah, so I can’t speak to the atmosphere this book depicts though Greene did an exceptional job with the research detailing real crimes, real historic events, and true discoveries. It feels hot, sultry, and a bit gross as we learn more and more about the ways that people are willing to justify terrible behavior. Overall a pretty good read – though a bit disjointed at times. The pacing is all over the place, but the character building and storylines are satisfying, even if they feel like a bit of a reach.

It’s not my favorite book I’ve read this year and not at all the most memorable, but it’s well-written and it’s interesting in that it’s true history set within a modern urban fictional mystery. So yes, give it a shot if you like a decent crime story.

Writing Prompt #13 – Traditiooooooooon! Tradition! (Name that Musical)

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What traditions have you not kept that your parents had?

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We had a lot of traditions in my family. I’ll make note of the most obvious ones.

1. I can cook most recipes. My parents…struggled. I can make rice that is neither burned nor crunchy, so that’s a start. This was a “tradition” we encountered quite often as stir-fries are cheap and healthy. But my god, are they awful with still-frozen peas, burned onions, and crunchy rice. I still can’t stand peas.
2. Porcelain is seen as kitsch now, but we collected a lot of it back when. I’ve decided not to continue pursuing the accursed doll collection. They were starting to get too many ideas.
3. I do pause to acknowledge my fortune at being able to eat the food in front of me, but I have foregone the bloodletting at dinner.
4. I take time to be aware of my space and breath, but decided to give up the annual ritual human sacrifice. I thought the candles, incense, and chanting were a bit much although the overall atmosphere was quite nice.
5. Having kids. It’s not that I want the family line to die. It’s that after I screwed up on enough deals with the hellspawn, I have too much mental scarring and not enough money to raise them. Plus I think Mαʅ’α’ɠɾσƚԋ may show up any day now for the rest of our bargain…
6. Since I don’t have kids, I don’t have anyone to pass along family lore to. And that’s okay. From the great uncle’s encounter with the mob, to the great grandmother who was an OCD bigot, and to the great aunt who was a badass doctor before her time, there’s caution to be found in overemphasizing the accomplishments of those who came before us. Especially if it means we don’t think we can live up to the same standard. Some traditions are okay to let pass, as long as the people themselves are not entirely forgotten.

Now if you’ll excuse me, this wolfsbane isn’t going to filter and decoct itself.

Writing Prompt #12 – Self-Description

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How would you describe yourself to someone?

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How would I describe myself to someone?

Cleverly.

A Psalm for the Wild-Built – Becky Chambers

This is a novella about Dex – a monk on a moon in what shameless hippies would consider a paradise. The prologue explains that on this moon, humans used to have robots for their factories. The robots became sentient – not unlike our current AI technology – and struck a bargain in order to study the wild in it’s natural state while leaving humans to cultivate their half of the world in peace with no contact with said robots. To deal with a midlife crisis, Dex goes into the wild half. 

This is a sweet novella. It’s charming, it’s calming. It tackles a lot of the issues of being human without feeling the need to overcomplicate the human condition with the hows and whys of technological advancement as it examines those moral implications. I like that Chambers examined them in the most positive possible circumstances. Most sci-fi assumes a worst-case scenario which inherently makes the here and now less relatable to the extreme circumstances faced by the protagonist. But this. This we can understand.

Now, with my critical cap on, I’ll say 4 things about this.

1. These are first-world problems that Dex is facing. Their general discomfort comes from internally-driven existential discomfort and this book is a discussion about that also being part of the human condition. Most people aren’t lucky enough to even have that discussion, so this is a very privileged novella in that sense. 

2.  The ending was unsatisfying. The specific thing, the question which sparked Dex’s journey was not specifically answered and although other questions were delved into and asked, they sometimes felt tangential and irrelevant to what their original question was. This will vary by reader and their interpretation, but this was mine.

3. This clearly needed to be part of a greater book or series. Now, it is since it’s Monk and Robot #1, but I don’t know that it should’ve been broken into it’s own novella. 

4. I know the emphasis is on Dex’s external comfort and paradise life in order to further underline the internal existential crisis, but the fantasy is really pushing the boundary on what my inner bitchy monologue would allow for. Because Panga vs. Pangea. I mean come on.

Anyway, it’s still a really good read. Especially if you’ve been reading anything you found heavy or nasty beforehand. I had no idea you could even do a cozy mystery or a cozy sci-fi novel like this – that is, with stakes and depth but not…thrilling per se. Give it a shot if you’re looking for something good, but a little…squishy.

Fieldwork: A Forager’s Memoir – Iliana Regan

Was expecting something like Entangled by Merlin Sheldrake with more cooking/outdoors/family background. Instead we get a stream-of-consciousness series of diary entries about the hotel, family trauma and a lot, lot of anxiety. This is exhausting, depressing, and sometimes beautiful to read. It’s a walk in the woods. It has a lot of hallmarks of good literature in its love of the surroundings and detail, but rings more of trauma and therapy than a guide to mushrooms. I nearly D.N.F because the writing was very choppy and the audiobook was read by the author who was not equipped for the necessary voice acting. I was fine with the quiet monotone which I found soothing, but her audible page turns, strange pauses, and unusual emphasis within sentences made her stream-of-consciousness even harder to follow. 

Hard to say if I’d recommend it. Maybe for a specific audience. It’s good in a way, but only if you’re looking for something that feels like reading a diary entry and verifies your own insecurities and/or trauma about family and gender identity. 

The Giver of Stars – Jojo Moyes

Alice Wright is stuck in an uptight English household during the 1920s. She marries an American man named Bennett Van Cleve to escape her family’s disapproval, only to find that Bennett doesn’t have much spine to stand up to his father who owns a mine in rural southeastern Kentucky. Their marriage goes from bad to worse and in order to do something to fill her time, she joins the founding packhorse library where she makes friends with Izze, Margery, and other locals. 

A little pie-in-the-sky, but a sweet and poignant book club book. It’s sort of accurate in a cleaned-up way of how it depicted the packhorse librarianship and the difficulties the area faced in terms of segregation, sexism, corruption, and influence. It’s a good story of friendship, personal growth, relationships, and resolution in the face of realism. I’d recommend it with the caveat that – as a book club sort of book – I shake my head a little at how it ends, but that’s just me being a bitter ol’ cynic. Truth be told though, on this subject I liked ‘The Book Woman of Troublesome Creek’ better because of the perspective it told.

Writing Prompt #11 – Better with Time

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What do you think gets better with age?

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What gets better with age?

Sex. It’s mostly in the mind and can always improve.

Good relationships. Depth can only be developed over time.

Your driving – up to a point. It peaks and then your reflexes go to crap like most physical tasks.

Certain consumables like wine, cheese, rum etc…but you already knew that. *Swigs merrily from 100-year-old wine bottle like a happy hobbit*

Not necessarily improves, but certainly intensifies. Memory of experiences. We polish those gem-like memories until what we’ve got might not be anything like what we experienced. But it’s what we remember and feel that matters by the end.

Empathy. More experience generally means you meet more people to better understand your own inconsequence. Conversely –

Confidence. You grow. You know where your strengths lie (or don’t) and become more comfortable with this. Because much as our lying perfectionist brains may want to, it is impossible to do every side quest, multiclass in every category, and be the best at everything. Why no, I don’t have to remind myself of this on a regular basis as I drive by pretty homes wondering what it would be like to be to live there, or what if I’d joined that club, or headed up that department or even been interested in that hobby. What about you?

Writing Prompt #10 – An Exciting Future

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What are you most excited about for the future?

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Apart from crashing the flying car I was promised, splicing myself into several pieces with the teleportation device, and dying at the ripe age of 40 in an insane asylum for unmarried women by mixing up the dates and then breaking the time-travelling machine, I’m looking forward to paying off all my student loans and slowly growing my wealth. I probably won’t live long enough to see the final form of AI, the collapse of North Korea, or the perfection of space travel. I hope to live long enough to see universal income, widely available green electricity, and mostly a way to dissolve plastics.

Apart from that, I try not to think about the future very much. They say it’s better for your happiness to focus on the here and now anyway, right?

Hooked – Emily McIntire

DNF.

Good premise. A retelling of Peter Pan with Hook and Peter as criminal underlords, Wendy is Peter’s daughter; his “shadow” and a forbidden love story. Interesting idea. Got through 30% and quit.

Truly terrible character execution. Trying to redeem the villain when he acts like a controlling monstrosity and give him ridiculous over-the-top pickup lines from the start, then give our leading lady the personality of a pancake. She grew up rich and has dated before. She shouldn’t be impressed by a yacht or a hot tub. That’s too much author self-insertion. Her new friend from also-being-a-woman-at-the-cafe is a local black woman who doesn’t have a serious conversation with her about ‘No, for real this guy is really dangerous to be involved with. I know he’s being insanely stalkery and creepy which is okay because we’re all willing to jump him, but apparently absolutely no one has a lick of common sense around here?’ What kind of ignorant racist bullshit is that? Oh, and the overplayed sexist virgin trope. Ugggggh. 

Apparently there’s sex later, but all the chemistry I’ve seen so far is told, not shown. There’s not enough time for character development or growth for anything resembling real lust or chemistry, so no. Don’t waste the two hours I did on this pile of boring overplayed trope shit. Though, if you go in planning to read it for comedy while taking shots for every trope, it could make for an entertaining book club meeting…

Writing Prompt #9 – Real Romantic

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What’s your definition of romantic?

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Well, between you, me, an the fence post, Old Moira the Pig & I think Romantic is that weird sorta twitch the soldiers get when they comes roun tryin ta convince me an mine that they need to take the stones from my walls around my cabbages to build their god-forsaken road. Dunno what Hadrian wants with the thing – our paths t’aint good enough I guess. All the while, boy’s givin me that twitchy fish eye like he ain’t doin nothin wrong. The young uns always near piss theyselfs and scarper right quick when I give em the commander’s name. Don’t I know they levvied taxes so those boys could dig up them stones and not leave food open to deer? Eejits.

Fourth Wing – Rebecca Yarros

Aw. We chose this for book club because we liked the idea. A high-fantasy school like Harry Potter but with dragons and more murder? How fun! Instead, this was clearly written by someone who has never heard of the Chosen One trope. And who needs to get laid. Preferably by someone who knows what they’re doing. Goddamn. This was crap and I am going to elucidate all the various ways in which it was crap.

Violet Sorrengail was supposed to go to the branch of the college with the Scholars or scribes or whoever the librarian equivalent is. It barely registers. She has some sort of physical problem with her muscles which is never explained. Her mom is a jerk and sends her to the riders school instead where she could be killed at any time (other than sleep). We learn that a bunch of students are sent to the Riders as punishment for their parents uprising. Because that’s responsible governance that couldn’t possibly backfire. Violet spends the entire book pining after the leader of these Rebels. And not getting laid. Which is pointed out a couple of times. For some reason.

The characterization is shit. Violet is two-dimensional after the first 1/16th of the book. After she gives her boot to someone else during the first challenge, most things are given to her easily in a montage. Her [spoiler] power doesn’t make sense with her character at all. Her continued abstinence is stupid. Her emotional maturity at 20 years old makes her seem more like she’s 12 – especially with the continued swearing. Adults don’t talk like that. Her friendship with an overcontrolling weirdo who is a rule-whore doesn’t track. Especially with his character since they regularly mention breaking rules as kids. Did I mention the Chosen One trope? And the world-building is just garbage. I can’t envision these grounds at all because the writer glosses over layout and atmosphere like they don’t freaking exist.

Don’t just skip it. Don’t let anyone else read it either. There are probably better written display books you can find in garbage bins. Or on offer as display books with pretty spines!

Writing Prompt #8 – Daily Habits

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What are your daily habits?

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*Ahem* I should be Very clear that under No circumstances do I Normally get up promptly at 5:30 am. During this unholy early hour when only the construction workers are on the move do I NEVER meet with my handler to exchange top secret information about my place of employment. After which, I make myself a smoothie, pack a lunch, pet the cat, and leave at about 6:10, cursing the road construction around me which has blocked a lot of my normal routes and added to my commute.

I then arrive at work where I gather information under the guise of watching Youtube videos or staring blankly at blueprints as though I have no idea why any architect would put fixtures in such a stupid place, or why people are asking me questions to problems I didn’t know existed until just now. But it’s why I make such a good spy – they don’t expect me to have answers, but to be asking a ton of questions. Perfect. Sometimes I will do a deep examination of the office refrigerators to see if anyone has placed a dead drop for me. This has never been the case before, but I have come away with month-old casseroles which needed to be cleaned out.

Most days I navigate back home where I am greeted by an overeager dog and a stressed spouse. They have done well as a cover since we met well before I maneuvered into this informative role. Some evenings we play D&D with friends or I have book club. Apparently drinking heavily with one’s friends is socially condoned. I regularly listen to audiobooks and try to do yoga, but often don’t prioritize it. At some point my handler may get around to having myself or an associate place demolitions, but after finishing 5 buildings, I’m starting to think the spy thing may be in my head and I’m just working a normal job…

Thirst for Justice – David R. Boyd

A doctor sees colleagues die during a stint in the Congo and tries to start a foundation in order to provide clean drinking water around the world. When this fails, he tries to deal with the psychological toll of seeing so many preventable deaths by introducing a mild poison to the drinking water of a nearby city.

It was easy to read and easy to believe Michael’s mental state falling apart. But for him to not believe the terrorist label? That’s ridiculous. The court case is contrived – for an intelligent man to become psychologically unhinged to this point is completely believable. But to then not understand the consequences of his actions? That I don’t buy. And for the book to end the way it did? Nah.

Easy read, but not believable. Yet the questions posed stick with you and it’s good for anyone looking for an over-the-top lens to examine the moral quandries that really exist. It’s far-fetched. It’s heartbreaking. I don’t know that I’d recommend it per se, but I liked it.

Things I Should Have Said – Jamie Lynne Spears

Ugh. This was a waste of time. It can be summarized in three sentences.

1. Jamie was too young and self-involved to understand what was going on with Britney when it was most relevant.

2. She loves the south and is a quintessential southern girl. 

3. Everything she did was at the demands of her parents out of loyalty, and protecting their family image. But she simply adores her big sister.

Girl, you should have said a lot more in this book. We get that she is hard-working, but is also deeply uneducated and very bad at critical thinking when it comes to the opportunities she had in her surprisingly insulated world despite how she portrays the media exposure. Most children enjoy singing, dancing, and playing around. Most parents do not push them to be the best in their field or put them in front of the relevant people. Further, does she think for a moment anyone would give a shit about her “talent” if she wasn’t regularly on Britney’s tour bus? She acknowledges that this may be a factor, but that she still had to put the time and effort into showing up and being professional on set every day in her teens. Fair enough.  She acknowledges that the industry is harmful for girls’ self-image, but didn’t personally struggle with that specifically. Is that because she was the lead on Nickelodeon or because her mother is a raging bitch? After all, most teens don’t have to apply for emancipation. And she truly believes her daughter’s survival was a gift from God instead of her being a rich southern white woman. So much to unpack there, I’m not gonna touch it. 

Setting aside the content, she’s just not a particularly good storyteller. She is so vague, jumps around in her timeline, and repeats herself ad nauseum about her own family and faith with very few specifics about other people. I respect if she wants to preserve privacy, but we hear about ‘Dane’ and the childhood friend who was with her during her pregnancy, but we don’t learn a damn thing about them. Or anyone else on the set of Zoe. For someone who is so nice to everyone, she doesn’t seem to have many anecdotes or shared stories to tell. That’s…actually quite sad. OR she’s being vague because there’s a lot of secrets there she’s not willing to reveal which would make her look bad. In which case, what was the point in writing a biography? Just to make yourself look good? That’s not what they’re for and real history doesn’t really work that way…

And I get that she’s trying to distance herself from the conservatorship. I get that she doesn’t feel she has responsibility in this and that Britney made her own choices, going so far as to cite a text from Britney. But she had an opportunity here to show the depth and expanse of her personality, wit, and humor. She had a chance to get into funny stories about ‘that time when’ with her audience on a platform where people wouldn’t immediately bite back with a tweet. She could talk about the history of her hometown, her favorite parts of your hometown, why she was so heavily drawn back all the time in contrast to all the other places she visited. She could have painted a picture with words and given the reader the same sense of whiplash she experienced as a teen going back and forth between LA and small-town Louisiana. Instead we got a lot of repetition. Waste of an audiobook. 

Writing Prompt #7 – The Good Life

Gonna go with dogs and books there, Alex…

Completely sidelining Maslow’s hierarchy of needs here. Not because it’s wrong but because it asks “the most important thing(s)”.

Stripped of all the bullshit, ya need two things. Hope and resolution. The latter could be called different stuff by turns. Doesn’t matter. The point is, you

1. Think you can achieve what you want and

2. Are resolved that you will.

Mostly you find that what you wanted was bullshit, but hey. It’s all about the friends/arch nemeses you made along the way, right? Ya might vary in your level in meeting Maslow’s heirarchy of needs, and your idea of what ‘a good life’ means is probably a little different from the next guy’s, but I can safely say that what we all want is a level fuckin’ playin field and the option to not work for money.